REWRITE: Apples

Ten tons of apples showered Highway 101 in Sonoma County yesterday morning when a trucker lost control of his tractor while navigating over partially repaired pavement.

The overturned apples cause the road crew to shut down one northbound lane, severely backing up the morning commute. A morning mist made the already-slick, apple-coated pavement even more hazardous.

According to California Highway Patrol officer Wayne Ziese, truck driver Robert Urbins was transporting the apples to Sebastopol when he said he heard a cable snap. While navigating over the uneven pavement, the rear flatbed started "whipping" when apples started scattering over the asphalt.

The road crews arrived at 9:45 am to clear the mess, according to Ziese. The apples piled two feet high and covered 200 to 300 feet of pavement, landing nearly 1,000 feet away in the median and on the shoulder of the highway.

This entry includes the mistakes corrected on the paper (not verbatim).

Birthday Cake

Tulsa (Okla.) – Mabel McCullough didn’t expect to receive two ladder companies, five fire engines and twenty-four firefighters yesterday for her birthday.

Tulsa’s senior citizen was innocently celebrating her 95^th birthday at a party organized by her church’s women’s group with a cake topped with 95 candles. “By the time we had them all lit, it looked like a torch,” said Eddi Carlin, a guest at the party. A cloud of smoke from the blown-out candles set off a smoke alarm, which alerted the fire department.

“In my 23 years on the job, I’ve seen a lot of things set off a fire alarm, but I don’t think I’ve ever heard of one going off because of a birthday cake,” said Fire Chief Lonnie Lamb. Although the firefighters declined birthday cake, they did take a picture with McCullough before leaving.

I'm not sure whether "Tulsa's senior citizen" works in the first paragraph after the lead, because I have yet to mention how old she is in the lead.
Also, "they did take a picture with McCullough before leaving." I'm assuming they left after taking the photograph, so I'm not sure whether that is appropriate to mention either.

Top News

The top news story I found important for this week was the article in the Spartan Daily about students finding inopportune times and places to take naps on campus. I think that this really highlights the fact that students just don't get an adequate amount of sleep in the past few years, especially working college students. I think that it really shows just how much work students have to put effort into without getting time to spend for themselves. I think that it's ridiculous to see students napping between classes when they should be getting tons of rest the night before even if they aren't taking tests everyday.

This impacts students on a national level, as there are college campuses in every state.

Top News (9/12)

Today I picked up the Spartan Daily and read the headlining news about a Fraternity-related robbery. I think that this particular article is severely important locally, as there have already been previous robberies on campus (stolen laptops and bicycles). People really should be aware of these things, because they could have their items stolen if they're careless with them.

I think the timeliness has a huge impact, because the three robberies have all happened within a month's time. I also think the proximity really will hit fellow students, especially those who live on campus. I think that the second crime (40 stolen laptops) is bizarre, because it would be noticeable if someone was carrying an armful of laptops out of a building.

The Fog Index

Pornography has always played a large part in controversial issues all over the world, especially in America. People everywhere have different opinions on whether it should be allowed, banned completely or only allowed in certain stores. Those who are accepting of pornography clash with those who feel that it shouldn’t be allowed. The more liberal-minded feel that banning pornography would be violating free speech. Those who are more conservative feel that allowing pornography shouldn’t be allowed at all and is a horrible form of “art.” Before these situations are analyzed, pornography must be defined in order to take a closer look at what should be banned and/or accepted in society.

This particular section has about 110 words. It is the introduction for a previous philosophy paper on the regulation or banning of pornography.

Average word count per sentence: 18
Words with 3+ syllables: 16 (not including repeated words)
Add the two figures: 34
Multiply by 0.4 = 13.6

I find it interesting that I have to dumb my writing down in order for the general public to be able to understand exactly what it is I've written.

Copy Edit the World

I found two grammatical problems when I was in Sunnyvale this Friday.

The both stores were a salon. The first had the world "acials" instead of "facials" painted on the window. The second salon had "Walk ins - Welcome" The hyphen should be placed in front of "walk." The entire phrase should read "Walk-ins are welcome"

http://i36.photobucket.com/albums/e38/Breakability/School%20stuff/IMG_0962edit.jpg

http://i36.photobucket.com/albums/e38/Breakability/School%20stuff/IMG_0964edit.jpg

Something else I found was in an old yearbook. The editor had a fun time using commas, and thus ended up abusing the punctuation. The following are mistakes that should be corrected:
"...Branham has a very bright future(,) as students and staff..."
"Take a look back and reflect on the accomplishments that these Bruins have achieved ... Like blazing comets..."

http://s36.photobucket.com/albums/e38/Breakability/School%20stuff/?action=view&current=copyedit_03.jpg

Top News Assignment (week 2)

I found a short article in the San Jose Mercury news about the varying degrees of caffeine in popular sodas. The article states that citrus-based sodas have more caffeine than other flavored sodas.

I believe this is important for people on a national level. Although children, adolescents and young adults tend to drink more, elder peoples also drink it occasionally and can greatly impact the amount people drink and definitely the brand. This will affect many college students as well as high school students who like to pull all nighters for fun and to study, and also the peoples that like to avoid highly-caffeinated drinks.

Chevy Chase and Amtrak Train

In class:
Actor and comedian Chevy Chase was appointed to the board of trustees yesterday at Bard College in New York.

Homework:
At least 15 people died when an Amtrak train collided with 3 locomotives yesterday afternoon near Chase, Md.

The three locomotives were heading northbound and apparently ran a stop sign, according to an Amtrak spokesman.

Leads #3

In class:

Actor and comedian Chevy Chase was appointed to the board of trustees yesterday at Bard College in New York.

Homework:
At least 15 people died yesterday afternoon when an Amtrak train called the Colonial crashed into three Conrail locomotives.

Top News Story

The article I found important was located in the Valley section of the San Jose Mercury Newspaper on Thursday, August 30th. The article expresses the importance of being responsible with children during the hot weather. A 2-year-old toddler was left in her caregiver's car while Juhee Hong left her for at least half an hour before the child was rescued. The temperature outside was 90 degrees Fahrenheit outside of the car. The last paragraph states that an 11-month-old baby died in his father's car after his father forgot to take him to day care and left him in the car all day.

I think that this new story is important for people living in the Bay Area, because people need to become more responsible for dependents (and themselves) as the weather climbs into the 80s and 90s. This article impacts a lot of people who live in warmer and humid climates during the summer. The proximity should also shock people and help them become more aware of what they are doing and to become more responsible.

Leads #2

A US airplane killed all 131 passengers yesterday after crashing into the ground outside Pittsburgh just after departure from Chicago, making this the worst US air disaster in the past 3 years.

EDIT: 131 passengers were killed when a US airplane crashed just outside Pittsburgh yesterday, making this the worst US air disaster in the past 3 years.

Leads #1

Lead #1: Time -- yesterday. Where -- Butte County Court. Who -- a local couple was in a traffic accident in March. They sued. Yesterday, the two were awarded $150,000 in damages. They had suffered injuries. That's what the damages were for.

A local couple received $150,000 in damage fees yesterday after suing for suffering from a traffic accident in March.

Lead #2: What -- a snowstorm. So what? Well, another is expected. Forecasters say it will hit the Sierras today. It's part of a series of snowstorms.

A snowstorm storm is expected to hit the Sierra Mountains today, according to forecasters, and is expected to be followed by more storms.

Lead #3: Who -- three firefighters and 41 families. What -- the firefighters were injured; the families were evacuated. Why -- a fire roared through their six-story building. Who said -- the police. Where -- the building was located at 204 Union Ave. When -- today.


Three firefighters were injured while rescuing forty-one families from a burning building on Union Avenue today, according to the police.